~~ Beautiful Darkness ~~

2011-11-24T15:34:00.001-08:00

I wrote this poem as an early Christmas gift for my boyfriend. I couldn't resist giving it to him one month in advance. I've never been this anxious for the coming holiday. I'm blessed to have someone to enjoy the beauty of December with.

"The Best"

The cold of winter no longer freezes my heart day by day,
The darkness is a warm place to rest with the loving words you say.

The snow flakes fall and the wind quickly blows,
The happiness I feel, nobody really knows.

My hands no longer require any sort of glove,
You've given me a very, very special type of love.

Walking quietly through the deep, uncharted forest of a new beginning,
Together in this fight, I know we're constantly winning.

The flame of this fire we began will never be put out,
I don't have any reason whatsoever to cry or to pout!

You mean so much more to me than what can be said,
I'm glad you use your heart before you use your head.

Being with you each day is where I want to be,
You always find a way to bring out the best of me!

Holding me close and whispering into my ear,
You promise to love me and always be near.

Thank you for finding me and helping me grow,
You really are the best and I hope you know.

Copyright Casandra Camp 2011

2011-11-01T19:58:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, October 27th, I began my new job at Alexian Village on Signal Mountain, Tennessee. Thus far, things are going pretty well. I'm a waitress who gets more than $2.19, thankfully! The drive up the mountain each morning is beautiful; it takes me about an hour to get there. The colors in the leaves are astonishing. If only I could video my drive! It's an incredible blur of reds, oranges, yellows, browns and greens. Needless to say, I love this time of year.

Below is a photo of the dining area in which I work full-time. It can be pretty hectic sometimes. Quite a beautiful setup though, I must admit.

Here's a photo of what I see from the dining room windows. It's much more beautiful in person. The forest behind the buildings looks as if it's untouched.

One of the cool things about my new job is that they let me dress up for Halloween this year. Apparently, it'll be an on-going thing for the coming years as well.

I definitely took advantage of the opportunity to sport a costume. I decided on being a steampunk elf.

I hope everyone had a fun, eventful Halloween. I spent mine giving out candy to about thirty children and playing board games with Jeremy and a couple of our friends. We ate a nice dinner together and later dined on some candy once we were sure the kids had stopped knocking on the door, of course!

I can't wait to see what lies ahead for next October!

Wishing you a wonderful November,
Casandra

2011-10-21T09:23:00.000-07:00

On my Kawaii Kupkakez blog, I did an Etsy feature for some of the items I'd like to have in the apartment that my boyfriend and I are moving into (hopefully) before Christmas. Of course, because of the fact that I love both cute things and vintage things equally, I thought it best to do a feature here for the latter.

Be sure to click on each photo for a link to the item's Etsy listing.

In addition to the wonderful things above that I would love to have, I wanted to share with you the shirt I recently bought on Etsy. I should be receiving at the post office tomorrow. I can't wait to wear it!

Praying blessings on your autumn season,
..:~*~:..Casandra..:~*~:..

2011-09-29T06:11:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty busy trying to make jewelry and accessories lately. Well, to be honest, I've been busy trying to do that whenever I have time free of work. I'm in the process of finding new employment. I've been at my current job for over a year... and it's overwhelming. If I could find a full-time office job, I'd be very happy. Dealing with people who yell at me every day is just too much now. I've put up with it for quite long enough, I think.

Anyway, below are some photos (including links) of some of my latest creations. Making stuff like this really helps me concentrate on something other than my stresses. I'm glad I have these projects to keep me in a calm and peaceful mood when I'm at home.

I made this a few weeks back. I wear it pretty often. It helps promote my Etsy shop when I wear it and people ask "Where did you get that?"
This ear cuff is not for sale, unfortunately. I like it too much, haha.

These earrings were inspired by the magic of the autumn season; hence why I call it the "Magical Evening" set. I'm beyond excited to see how the leaves are changing already in my town.

Steampunk style coincides well with the colors of fall. I used beads and metals in this set that are clearly influenced by the beauty of the season.

After using black teas to stain this bag, I drew a a few gears on the front and back, along with swirling designs. The drawings were done with the use of metallic sharpies. Around the gears on one side of the bag, I used a gold puffy paint to outline and give the bag more depth. I plan to create other tea-stained totes like this one in the future, using different designs and colors.

I hope everyone is enjoying this cooler weather. I know I most certainly am! The heat of the summer was getting to be quite a nuisance... especially when it came to trying to do my work outdoors.
Apple cider, candles and lots of photography are all in store for me these next couple months. Ah, what a glorious and relaxing time of year this is! I've missed autumn so much. If I had my way, this season would never end.

With love and blessings wished upon on your day,
~Casandra~

2011-09-09T17:08:00.000-07:00

I attended the "Folk Festival" at Fall Creek Falls State Park today with my co-worker and good friend, Anna McGovern. We had a great time. I'm looking forward to next year for sure. I'm really glad I got to go this year.

2011-08-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

I've found myself craving pumpkin muffins these past few weeks. It's non-stop. I'm determined to make a batch to silence my desire, haha. I found a great recipe on the Smitten Kitchen website. I'm sure it will come in handy as soon as I get a chance to go grocery shopping and pick up the necessary supplies.

Pumpkin Muffins
Adapted from the American club, in Kohler, Wisconsin via Gourmet Magazine

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup canned solid-pack pumpkin (from a 15 ounce can)
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon pumpkin-pie spice
1 1/4 cups plus 1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon

Put oven in middle position and preheat oven to 350°F. Put liners in muffin cups.

Whisk together pumpkin, oil, eggs, pumpkin pie spice, 1 1/4 cups sugar, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl until smooth, then whisk in flour mixture until just combined.

Stir together cinnamon and remaining 1 tablespoon sugar in another bowl.

Divide batter among muffin cups (each should be about three-fourths full), then sprinkle tops with cinnamon-sugar mixture. Bake until puffed and golden brown and wooden pick or skewer inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean, 25 to 30 minutes.

Cool in pan on a rack five minutes, then transfer muffins from pan to rack and cool to warm or room temperature.

2011-08-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

With my anticipation for autumn, I've decided to create jewelry that reflects the feeling of the season. Of course, coffee always reminds me of fall. It reminds me of festivals, early mornings and adventures that include campfires, hiking and photography of the brightly-colored leaves.

My "Warm Mocha Morning" earring set and bracelet were made to celebrate the fact that the autumn season begins soon. I can't wait!

..~..:*Casandra*:..~..

2011-07-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

Within the past week, I've been busier than ever before making things to sell in my newly opened Etsy shop. Below are two of the newer items I've listed. Both items are $35 a piece (with free shipping).

"Inspire - OOAK Steampunk/Nature Collage"

"The Faerie's Trophy - Fancy Goth Wall Art"

2011-07-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

I finally have my very own Etsy shop open. I was going to wait until later this year... but just couldn't do it! I was too excited about the possibility of sharing my work and actually getting paid for it.

Since today is only my first day being open, I suggest that you check back every so often for new items. I'll create and post at least once every two weeks. I'm still learning, of course, how to make jewelry. It may be a while before I begin listing anything that looks worthy to sell. Bear with me while I venture into this new world of creating and online selling. I may be new... but at least I'm determined!

Click the photo banner below for a link to my shop...

2011-07-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally got around to doing my Steampunk collage. It actually turned out being more of a nature inspired thing. I added a few small gears to make it appear vintage and Victorian... but, of course, I had to throw in some natural elements as well. My collage is most certainly an assortment of things that reflect me as a person, I believe.

2011-06-22T05:53:00.000-07:00

While sitting at home, somewhat bored, I looked around to see what I could draw on. I had a burst of energy, artistically speaking.

Upon finding a plain, black leather bracelet (or, wrist cuff), I took out my silver marker and contrived the designs I thought would look best.

Supposing I find a good finishing matte to spray over the piece, I may establish sells for things like this in my Etsy shop. I would very much like to have it open before the end of the year.

Along with selling bracelets like this, I may sell hand-painted animal skulls, steampunk themed collages and, depending on how quickly I can learn to create it; jewelry. I look forward to the possibilities of learning new techniques and sharing my work.

2011-06-17T10:50:00.001-07:00

"Scars"

In my life, I've seen chaos and have experienced joy.
Through my heartache and through my happiness, I've also learned not to be a toy.

I've heard lies and I've told a few myself.
I've come a long ways with my feelings; never putting any of them on a shelf.

There will forever be a pain and a doubt that I cannot erase.
Regardless of what happens to my fragile dreams, I will always chase.

Looking forward is much harder than what I would hope.
The past smothers me to the point where it's difficult to cope.

My weary wings are too weak to fly very far.
Feeling alone in a crowd, I look at my many scars.

I remember too much and can't ever seem to forget the things I should.
If I could go back and redo some of what I regret in my life, I would.

People say you heal in time, but is it true?
The number of times I've recovered is too few.

Explaining the words my soul has to say...
It's not something that can be by the light of this day.

Copyright Casandra Camp 2011

2011-06-13T09:49:00.000-07:00

In preparation for the upcoming county fair, I've sworn to reflect my creativity, whether it be a collage, poetry, photography, jewelry or clothing. I must put aside my feelings of procrastination and get started before time runs out.

I've found a few things on Tumblr that have helped inspire me with ideas for my steampunk/vintage collage. I plan to begin my artistic journey in making my collage today.

2011-06-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

When I made my post yesterday, I totally forgot about showing off my latest attempt at making distressed jeans. They're much better than the first pair I did back in the summer of 2010. I'm grateful to YouTube for helping me learn different techniques. I plan to distress and destroy two other pairs of jeans I have at the house today, if time allows.

2011-06-06T11:16:00.000-07:00

As usual, I feel the need to update you all on my Etsy finds. Just when I thought I couldn't find anything cooler than what's already in my favorites on there, I end up finding more to love. For example...

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I bought a new camera this past week with the tip money I saved up from my job. The camera strap I featured on here is something I'd like to purchase whenever I buy a bigger camera for various vacations in the future. My new camera is good quality, but not professional.
If I go to a local college later this year or next, I plan to take up cosmologically, photography and graphic design (using PhotoShop, mainly). I'm pretty excited about the possibilities that may lie ahead for me.
I wanna give my children the best future I can manage, and if I can be a stay at home mom with my own business that never requires me to leave the house, I'm all in.

Until my next post of usual or unusual findings, I wish thee a blessed day.
Thanks for checking out my blog!
{~}*{~}

2011-05-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

I've finally found the ring I want to be proposed to with (when the time is right, of course). My honey told me to pick out the one I wanted. He's amazing.
I love this ring more than any other ring I've seen thus far. It's cheap, too! I also love the fact that it's handmade. I think it's perfect.

In addition, I got my hair dyed last week. I think it turned out even better than last time! It's hard to believe I dyed it for the first time in September of last year (2010).

2011-05-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

Well, my turtle skull didn't turn out exactly the way I had planned... but I kinda like it the way it is. It looks more tribal than anything, I suppose. I look forward to painting other skulls and exploring different painting patterns. I think animal bone painting has become one of my new hobbies! I'm a weirdo, lol.

Also, I have an appointment scheduled to get my hair dyed blue again. I'm pretty excited. In celebration, I purchased this beautiful feather hair clip to match the dye in my hair. Etsy has changed my life for the better. I simply don't know what I'd do without that site!

2011-05-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

One day last week, I randomly had the idea to look up different animal skulls on Ebay. Jeremy found a turtle skull. It appeared like what I would imagine to be a tiny dragon's skull. Seeing as how the skull wasn't too ridiculously priced, I decided to buy it.

I plan to paint the turtle skull in a "Day of the Dead" fashion, similar to the paintings below. I'll probably use some florescent colors and glitter. I'm not sure yet. I can't make up my mind!

Also, I came across these necklaces while browsing Etsy the same day that I found the turtle skull. I thought them to be quite interesting (especially the pocket watch).

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"Small Black Raven Skull Necklace"

"Pocket Watch Necklace with Skull of a Mouse, Blood Red Garnets & Czech Glass"

2011-05-03T10:13:00.000-07:00

After the horrifying storms that struck my home state, the surrounding states and the town I reside in, I decided to write this short poem of thanks to my Creator. I'm glad my friends and family are safe.

"Peace & Calm"

Sitting in the blackness and hoping for some light,
You enter through the door and don't put up a fight.

With a calm voice and a caring hand,
You reach down and open my eyes, without anger and without demand.

I feel afraid only until I see Your face,
You pull me up to hold me in Your embrace.

Never before have I felt such peace,
I know Your love will never, ever cease.

With each new day I feel alive,
I look forward to the day when You, once more, arrive.

Thank You for all that you do,
I'll forever put my faith and trust in YOU.

2011-04-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

Jeremy and I just returned from our trip to Nashville, Tennessee for the "Middle Tennessee Anime Convention" (or, MTAC). I posted the majority of my photos from the con to my other blog called "Kawaii Kupkakez". Considering the fact that I took too many photos to upload to either of my blogspot pages, I made my FaceBook album public to anyone and everyone who might be interested. Click here for my FaceBook photo collection from MTAC.

I wanted to post a few photos of my "Steampunk" costume on this blog though, since it has a steamier atmosphere. Enjoy!

2011-04-13T11:23:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back, I ordered some metal elf ears from the lovely Ayalanya on Etsy. I'm sooooo happy they arrived! I can't wait to wear them to the upcoming festivals that my boyfriend and I plan to attend. I mean, come on; something this cool simply must be worn around town and shown off!

2011-04-08T11:49:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago, my (future) husband came up with the idea of making a dream catcher that covers the entire top of the bed we'll have in our home one day. In preparation to create a massive dream catcher such as this, we're planning to practice making smaller versions first.

I've had a problem with nightmares for years, hence my "Dreams of Nightmares" poem. All the dream catchers I've used in the past have served well in preventing bad dreams, much to my surprise. I've even crafted my own dream catcher before while taking an Indian crafts class... but have long since forgotten how to design another on my own. I can't help but feel the need to learn again for the sake of my Cherokee heritage. It fascinates me to no end.

During my roam through the world of Tumblr today, I came across these photos and wanted to share them with you.

2011-03-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

Due to a small amount of free time before heading in for work today, I've decided to update once again! I simply cannot keep my eyes off the beautiful creations I keep finding in random Etsy shops. The photos below are linked to the product itself. All items are currently taking up residence in my favorites, of course. ;}

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Oh! I also found this on Tumblr today and had to reblog it on my Tumblr account. I'm totally doing something like this whenever I buy my house and/or design my child's room.

2011-03-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last updated my blog here... and I have plenty of reasons why. One reason would have to be that I am no longer residing at the place I grew up in for over twenty years. I'm working on finding a new place to live alongside my future husband and best friend, Jeremy. We're helping each other stay strong during the difficult times we're facing. I'm blessed to have him and the support of a few friends and family members. For those of you who are Christian, I ask you to pray for Jeremy and I. Please pray for my family as well.

On a lighter note, I'm sharing these beautiful chimes I found on etsy.com today. They're made by creationdesigns. Give her shop a visit!

2011-02-19T20:07:00.000-08:00

My uncle, Robbie Camp, age 67, passed away on the 18th of this month. In honor of him, I wanted to share some of his artwork with you. He was a very talented man. Like my grandmother, father and I, Robbie had a great interest in art.

Uncle Robbie lived a good life, despite the cancer that fought against him.

Robbie used to own a video store and gas station that I remember being fond of as a child. The store was known as "Miss Quick", but I would always call it "Robbie's". He sold the best (and cheapest) candy in that store. Candy such as "Sugar Daddy", "Slap Stix" and "Air Heads"... I would buy as much as I could every time I would enter "Robbie's" store. Day after day, year after year. The day the store closed was probably one of the saddest days of my childhood. Nothing devastated me more, except for when my town's local Drive-In Theater shut down to make room for a "Walgreen's".

After helping type Uncle Robbie's obituary and making his photo slide show for the funeral home, I decided to pay him tribute on my blog. Enjoy his work!

Robbie Lee Camp

October 1st, 1943 - February 18th, 2011

2011-02-04T22:28:00.000-08:00

"Unique"

Fallen and forgotten are the dreams of days gone by.
Some people pursue them, but all the others die.

A child is born with a creativity and a desire all its own.
These things soon pass away, if not kept alive and if never shown.

How can you be yourself if you always conform to the ways of your peers?
In a matter of no time, you'll become the greatest of your fears.

Let go of the lies within your heart and soul; see the light of who you really are.
See the sky above you? Somewhere in heaven shines your very own star.

My daughter, my son; I beg of you to listen to me.
No matter what they say, in the midst of manipulation, you always need to be free.

Don't lose sight of yourself while spending time in this place.
You're beautiful as you are and this truth glows upon your face.

Strive to be unique. Strive to be real. Strive to be true.
Show the world your true colors. Don't lie to yourself and give up until you're completely through.

2011-01-26T13:36:00.000-08:00

I just received my very first award for this blog (of which I am most proud).
Special thanks goes to my faithful follower, Lady Euphoria. She has a lovely blog. I encourage you to pay her a visit!

Rules upon receiving "Stylish Blogger Award":

1. Thank and link to the person who gave you the award.

2. Jot down 7 random facts about yourself.

3. Give the award to 15 other bloggers and let them know about it.

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"Random Facts About Me"

1. My first tattoo is going to be the biggest on my body. It's going to be a set of wings on my back. One will be bat-like and the other will be feathered.

2. I just recently starting playing World of Warcraft... and I love it.

3. I used to be afraid to go down to the first floor in my house. It was always dark. Today, MY room is the only completed room on the first floor... and I love the darkness. XD

4. Although being a wife and mother is my main goal for life, being a poet, artist or dancer is always something I can do on the side. I'm too attached to those things NOT to continue with them.

5. I competed in a beauty pageant that took place August of 2007. Winning was a shock. However, during the second round of the pageant in a higher class, I discovered the "pageant life" wasn't the life for me. I'm pretty sure I was dubbed the "freak" of the group. I liked freaking the other girls out though. I'm no Barbie. I enjoy being myself far too much.

6. I was home schooled my entire life. Art and spelling were my best subjects. Math was the worst. I still hate math more than just about anything.

7. I have hopes of bringing forth two children during my lifetime. My son will be called Atreyu Knight and my daughter Tarquin Shickwayla.

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Now for the more difficult part... choosing the bloggers I want to pass on the award to. Since I'm still somewhat new to the Blogspot community, I don't have many followers and I don't know many other bloggers. Because of this, I will give the award to the few people I know and greatly admire. Keep up the good work, guys!

http://gloomyfashion.blogspot.com/

http://itkupilli.blogspot.com/

http://beautyunspoken23.blogspot.com/

http://snowfoxcreations.blogspot.com/

http://mousse-sweetdaydreams.blogspot.com/

http://oldphotoalbum.blogspot.com/

http://the-feathered-nest.blogspot.com/

Blessings,

*o0*0o~..:*Casandra*:..~o0*0o*

2011-01-25T13:29:00.001-08:00

Below is a menagerie of the steampunk jewelry I've acquired recently. The first photo is of a bracelet I purchased at a folk festival in September of 2010. The woman who designed the bracelet was very talented. She suggested the bracelet to me after overhearing me talk about my love for steampunk style. I proceeded to buy two other bracelets from her after looking around and finding others that I liked, haha. Couldn't help myself.

The photos in between the top and bottom display the matching clockwork necklace, ring and earrings that I found at Claire's. I was surprised to find such items in that store, honestly. Claire's is perfect for the brighter and more colorful jewelry I wear; but they rarely seem to have anything of a rustic or natural color. Lucky find, I suppose!

The last photo is one of myself (as you can probably guess), wearing the "gearring" from Claire's and the steampunk ear cuff I bought from Etsy.com in summer of 2010. I also got a new piercing in my lobe... which continues to hurt...

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the jewelry! More will be posted later, I'm sure. I'm a shopaholic.

2011-01-15T17:42:00.000-08:00

Latest attempt at free hand sketching... which, obviously, later turned into a PhotoShop project. I added the color and background with the PhotoShop program. Background photo was taken by my father.

2010-12-28T22:13:00.000-08:00

I just ran across an amazing collection of art. The artist goes by the name of Asli Yeniay. The album in which I found the examples below can be found here.

2010-12-05T22:44:00.001-08:00

Soooo, I saw "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" last week. It was amazing in every way. It's the best movie yet, in my opinion. I took my best friend to see the movie again on the 4th. I drew a picture of Bellatrix Lestrange for her before going to work, haha. I think I captured the personality of Miss Lestrange quite well.

Also, I made this on a Harry Potter themed website where you can create your own "Undesirable No. 1" poster. The link is embedded in the photo and can be accessed by clicking on it.

2010-12-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

Each poem I write has a meaning behind it. This is piece definitely meaningful. I wrote it for a few particular people in my life (whom I will not mention by name). These people test me and my patience, but I love them too much to sit back and watch them destroy themselves day by day. However, like I say in the writing below... I can only do so much before I say "I can do no more".

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"Someone"

Look into the mirror and see what we all clearly see.

Selfish, prideful and uncaring... that's who you've come to be.

Life is more than indulging in yourself and using others just for fun.

Take hold of yourself and look within your heart; you'll see your journey has only begun.

Take time to love and time to reflect.

Without doing these things... well, you'll soon lose all respect.

Can't you just put your old ways to rest?

Can't you see it's for the best?

I don't wanna watch you die.

I'll turn away before I cry.

There's only so much I can do before I say "I can do no more".

Changing might become easier when you're left alone and when everyone walks out the door.

I wish you knew how precious your life is to me.

I don't wanna leave your side or ever become your enemy.

I'm getting tired of holding the hand of someone who pushes me away.

It's hard to go... but it's even harder to stay.

Wake me when you realize what's right and what's wrong.

Until then, I'll be elsewhere and will be hoping I don't have to wait too long.

Copyright Casandra Camp 2010

2010-11-24T08:58:00.001-08:00

In light of the steampunk/vintage photos I'm making now, I decided to go ahead and make one for Christmas time. Thanksgiving is tomorrow (and I'm not trying to rush the holiday) but I couldn't wait to post this. I'm planning to use it as the cover of my custom Christmas cards.

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Photo of little girl is compliments of...

2010-11-16T14:34:00.000-08:00

I helped my dad with a project on PhotoShop last night and was just too proud of the results not to share them on here. The "Coke Ovens Park & Museum" (founded by my family) in Dunlap, Tennessee is hosting a "Civil War" themed program this weekend on November 20th. The poster my dad made to announce the event is below along with photos that will be featured during the presentation. The photos are of my great-great grandfather in his Confederate uniform. For more information about the Coke Ovens Park & Museum, visit our FaceBook p age.
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Also, while on my own laptop last night, I played around with PhotoShop some more. Being quite inspired by itkupilli after looking at her unique blog all day, I decided to make the picture below. "Tears Are Words You Cannot Say".
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One more thing! I drew this picture while taking a break from cleaning out my closet late yesterday evening, haha. First pencil drawing I've done in a while. First one of November, at least. Hope you enjoy it. I titled it "Remember And Forget".
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2010-11-15T12:12:00.001-08:00

Random pictures I found over the past week. Links are included (on most) and will lead you to the picture's original home.

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Also, I've been using my new PhotoShop CS5 program along with the "Picnik" application on FaceBook. Here are my two latest creations.

2010-11-11T18:12:00.000-08:00

As you can probably guess, I am an Edgar Allan Poe fan. His poetry inspires the feeling in a lot of the poems I write (even though the writing style is different). Lots of people say Mr. Poe would be appalled by the "emo poems" of today... but I actually think he would be proud to see that writers still exist in this day and age.

Anyway, I happened to come across these Poe themed things while watching "The Crow" tonight and wanted to post them.

Beautiful necklace. Wouldn't mind having this piece myself!

Simply put... I love it.

This video tells the story of "The Tell Tale Heart" dreadfully well...

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2010-10-28T19:22:00.001-07:00

"A Night Under the Stars"

From my soul flows a river of uncertainty and fear.
I don't know myself anymore. I often ask, "Am I really here?"

Feeling so angry and yet so carefree,
I can't help but wonder what must be wrong with me.

I stare at the mirror and smile in an attempt to make it look real.
No matter what, I cannot hide from anyone the way I really feel.

The silence is too deafening and the screaming from within is too quite.
Only in the morning do I wake to see if I've survived the night.

What used to be is gone forever. I don't know why it's so hard for me to see.
Haunted is my mind, body and soul... slowly being devoured by my own memory.

I hear the people whisper and I see them turn away.
I shouldn't care so much... but it's hard not to do that today.

I'm hanging here by a thread, on the very edge.
Not to fall again... to myself I've made a pledge.

Another day ends as I sit here under the stars and sky.
Hoping, dreaming and wishing... those are some of the things that help me not to cry.

Is understanding and caring too much to ask?
What will it take for me to be happy enough to remove this mask?

A small plea for help escapes my heart and drifts farther and farther away.
I'll sleep here on the cold grass until peace comes to stay.

2010-10-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

Remember the movie "Labyrinth"? Yeah. Pretty great movie, I know. I found this and had to post (since I haven't updated in quite a while). I really, really want this print...

2010-09-25T12:44:00.000-07:00

I personalized my jeans, haha. I've loved doing this ever since I was little. This is actually the first pair I've done in a few years though. I'm quite happy with the way they turned out.

2010-09-19T16:06:00.000-07:00

I just got my hair dyed for the very first time on Thursday (September 16th). Thought I'd post a couple pictures to show ya what it looks like. I LOVE it.

I feel more like myself with the blue. Brown and blond and all those other natural colors aren't really fitting for me.

2010-09-18T14:15:00.000-07:00

"Lost and Lonely"

Watch me as I sleep. Keep me safe from the storm.
Can't you feel my body shaking? Won't you keep me warm?

I hear the thunder far away, ever growing near.
Don't wake me as I lay here dreaming. It's only reality I fear.

Look into my eyes and take my lifeless hand.
This moment will soon be gone. Lost forever like a grain of sand.

The clouds form around me and I forget where I'm going.
In which place can I find the knowledge of the knowing?

A hungry soul and a tortured mind,
This life hasn't been easy... and it certainly hasn't been kind.

Oh, please take me away. I long to go where I cannot, at the moment, see.
I suppose I'll just have to wait though. Wait for someone to set me free.

Fragile and fading is the dream within my heart.
Confused and unsure, but never completely apart.

Hold me and tell me all the things I need to hear.
Whisper that you love me and that you'll always be near.

Talking to these shadows and running my hand along the wall,
I do believe I've gone insane... but who, to help me, can I call?

Humming an old tune and simply lying on the ground,
I wait and wait, for eternity, hoping to be found.

Copyright Casandra Camp 2010

2010-09-12T20:23:00.000-07:00

My Steampunk Halloween costume. Well, the beginnings of it anyway...

2010-09-08T10:19:00.000-07:00

I was looking through some things today on deviantART.com and found a few pieces to share. Most of the drawings are "autumn" themed, which explains the quote I posted at the bottom. I'm excited for this time of year. I can't wait to go to craft festivals, drink apple cider and light the cinnamon candles in my room. Autumn is definitely one of the most beautiful seasons we've been privileged to experience on this earth.

~~~***~~~

"Winter is an etching, Spring a watercolor, Summer an oil painting and Autumn a mosaic of them all."
- Stanley Horowitz

2010-09-07T11:44:00.001-07:00

Martha Stewart is a genius when it comes to decorating for Halloween. I MUST figure out how to make a jack-o-lantern like the one I found in her magazine for Halloween 2010...

I also happened to come across this pumpkin while looking for design ideas (it's clearly not from Martha)...

2010-08-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

My friend, Victoria Brunner, is an amazing photographer. The picture below is one that I found on her FaceBook page and simply had to share on my blog. Be sure to check out the rest of her work, too!

2010-08-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

I just bought a new decoration for my room from Oriental Trading. It's a black foam chandelier silhouette with glow-in-the-dark flames. I think it will look awesome, considering all the black lights I have on my wall. I should be getting it within the next two weeks.

2010-08-17T21:25:00.000-07:00

This wasn't written for any particular reason or with any particular person in mind. It's really just another one of my sad and depressing tales with little hints of my self-reflection and confessions about my emotions.

~~~

"Thinking of Me, Thinking of You"

Cold and alone, I lay here without much feeling.
I wait, hope and pray for strength and for healing.

I do not hear with my ears, nor do I see with my eyes.
My heart and soul do everything now, seeing as how my body only cries.

I need to feel again. I need to brought back to life.
Telling me you love me, and not meaning it, is the same as stabbing me with a knife!

Maybe it won't be like this for too much longer... maybe I'll be okay.
I'm just sitting here, waiting, for someone to come and to stay.

Don't tell me only what I want to hear... tell me the truth 'cause I'm tired of lies.
People that are untrue and unfaithful; those are the people I despise.

I'm not like the others and yet I feel the same.
Is there anyone out there that can hear my voice, anyone who knows my name?

The person you see on the outside isn't me at all.
The real me is hidden, it is not of this world; this world that is so very small.

Although I've been cheated and regardless of the fact that I am broken,
My life must go on and I must hear the words that, from my heart, are spoken.

Imperfect and flawed, that's who I am and who I will always be.
Is it too much to want someone to love and to care for me?

I rest my head and I shut my eyes in a desperate attempt to go to sleep.
My prayer isn't just to survive or for Him, my soul, to keep.

I know I'm not the only one and that life must go on...
However, I feel an emptiness that cuts me deep down; all the way to my bone.

I'm not what I seem and I'm not who you think.
Drowning in an ocean of memories, I will forever continue to sink.

Not really knowing who I am or what to do,
I'm still here in your mind, thinking of me... and me, thinking of you.

2010-08-14T19:09:00.000-07:00

I have new fan art! From the movie "Coraline", of course. I'm preparing myself for an upcoming anime convention and did a lil' sketch of Coraline in anime-type style on some note paper I had (and was planning to use for grocery shopping lists). It's not my best... but I'm gonna work on it with PhotoShop when I get some extra time... perhaps even color it! After all, she's not the same without her blue hair.

On the other hand, I was quite pleased with the way that my sketch of "The Other Mother" came out...

2010-08-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

I wrote this poem about people that I've dealt with all throughout my life... people that are liars. I didn't write it in their honor, either. More like in their "dishonor" of being dishonest...

~~~

"Liar"

Look at that little lie escaping from your lips.
You go around telling stories; your awful words making frequent trips.

Get your hand off my shoulder and get the heck out of my way.
I can see straight through you and I know who you are today.

In your deceiving ways, oh, you think you're clever.
Falling for more tricks and empty promises is something I refuse to do forever.

Don't smile at me with that ugly mouth, from which spews nothing but poison and deception.
You want attention? Expressing disgust towards what you've become is my only exception.

I hear you banging and clawing at the door to my heart.
The key that once existed has now rusted; long ago did it fall apart.

Stop pretending to be someone you obviously never were before.
You may fool them, but I know what goes on in your mind and behind that closed door.

Go ahead and act without wisdom. Go ahead and step closer to your own demise.
I look at you and all I see is weakness; I can even see a hint of fear in your eyes.

Try as I may, try as I might, I have no more pity for your kind.
How can I pity people who go and make the eyes of their heart blind?

Like a child without any instruction, you run all around.
You'll be sorry when nobody comes to comfort you after you fall to the ground.

Do not come looking for me; I am yours to torture no more.
I've gone to where you cannot find me, somewhere that I can soar.

You're trapped by your own devices and you're consumed by your own hate.
I only hope that others can see the real you before it's too late.

Copyright Casandra Camp 2010

2010-08-03T21:55:00.001-07:00

"Open Door"

I open my eyes and look around.

I expose my soul and listen to its sound.

Everything is different now.
I don't know why, I don't even know how.

Sometimes it seems like I'm dreaming and that I'm not "me" at all.
I'm being careful not to stumble, I'm being careful not to fall.

So much confusion and frustration abound.
I take myself away from it all and in emptiness I surround.

The lights grow ever dim and the hands on the clock spin.
This life is so brutal, sometimes it seems that you can never win.

Time and effort; two things that will always devour the human race.
These things can be wasted simply by looking too intently at someone's face.

Deep feelings and true concern continue to ruin me.
The reasons behind what I do, people always fail to see.

Giving up and letting go is something that's always easier to do.
However, having faith and being wise is something that will pull you through.

I won't settle until I find what I'm looking for.
All I need now is the courage to free my spirit and open the door...

Copyright Casandra Camp 2010

2010-07-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

I finally got my steampunk ear cuff this past Friday. I absolutely love it! It's tiny though... I'll have to be careful not to lose it!

Oh, and in addition, I won 2nd place at the talent show that I did my bellydance in. They had a very diverse group in the adult division. I was happy to recieve what I did. =)
Everyone loved my dance... or so they said, haha. I got compliments all night long.

I even got 1st place on both of the poems I entered at my county fair. They were the ones entitled "Where It Began" and "Wispy Memory". I entered the first as a poem, the other as prose. I was extremely happy at the results the judges gave me.

Anyway, here's a video of my performance from Thursday night (July 22nd, 2010)...

2010-07-14T22:34:00.000-07:00

I just purchased a beautiful piece of jewelry from COGnitivecreations at Etsy.com and thought I'd share it with you. It's a steampunk themed ear cuff, complete with tiny watch parts and metal stars. I love it! I should recieve it in about a week or so if all goes well.

Also, I bought a cookie jar on Ebay today. It's identical to the one that my Grandmother Zola Wooden used to have. It was handed down to her from my great-grandmother. It was very special to me.

However, not knowing that I loved the cookie jar so much, grandma gave it away to one of my other relatives a couple years ago. It was only recently that I found this one on-line for a little over $40.00 and decided to buy it. I'm glad I did, too. I'm going to re-paint it and show it to my grandmother. I think she'll be proud.

The cookie jar tells the story of Hansel and Gretel. When it used to be in grandma's house, I'd always go over and tell my younger cousins scary stories concerning the original Hansel and Gretel fable, using the cookie jar as a visual for them. I never ceased to amaze them with my dark tales. They would want to hear my stories every time we were near the cookie jar, haha.

2010-07-09T23:44:00.000-07:00

My bellydance/hip-hop fusion dance (in the practice stages) that I'm doing for an upcoming talent show. I need to get a better dancefloor, haha. My cat kept getting in the way. ;}
My cousin was helping me video. She gave some tips about song timing near the end. I'm pretty sure I have a time limit. I hope all goes well once I'm on-stage.

2010-07-07T14:29:00.000-07:00

Short poem I wrote today. This one isn't really all that different when compared to my older ones. It's about loneliness and the strange, terrible feeling you get when faced with a world full of people that expect entirely too much of you. We live in a place where you either have to "Face it or Fake it" to make it through the day.

~~~

"Smiling Faces"

As the wind blows and the shadows dance,
There, in the corner, sits a girl who knows not the meaning of "romance".

She's never heard the word "love" and been able to truly understand,
Her soul is incapable of trusting someone who offers her their hand.

The night smothers her in loneliness and her tiny body aches,
Her dreams are filled with horror, dreams of death and of earthquakes.

Walking blindly into danger, she's done it way too many times before,
Always having regrets and failing to see life as anything other than a "chore".

Surrounded by fake people, shining brightly with smiling faces,
She can't help but wonder if they, in their lives, are dealing with similar cases.

Everything in her life that was once magical and real,
Has no value and has been thrown away, yet her secrets she plans to forever conceal.

Flashbacks and daydreams are an unhealthy combination for a person such as this,
This person with a memory of words and of actions, this person who is so frequently dismissed.

She doesn't beg or ask for your pity, she doesn't want those things at all,
She only asks that have mercy and that you respect her, crying out to you, she calls.

Refuge she takes in the strangest of places,
Just as long as she can get away from all of those people and their smiling faces...

2010-07-04T23:56:00.000-07:00

I decided to write a poem about how things were during my childhood, somewhat. This is what I ended up with. Hope you like it.

~~~

"Normality"

Far from popular, in my younger days, I remember always being alone.
Existing as nothing but a “freak” to most, not much kindness was ever shown.

Never quite knowing what else to do, I'd speak to my only friends...
Which, of course, were invisible to you.

Rescuing bugs from the hands of mean little boys was my duty.
In all things labeled "disgusting", I somehow seemed to find beauty.

I haven't changed much since then at all.
I don’t let the lies of others make me feel small.

I'm always going to remind my children, when they arrive, of how special they truly are.
Whenever they feel lonely at night, I hope they look up to the brightest star.

Unique and simply "you", please never fear to be.
When you have imagination, you're never really stuck in reality.

Now that I'm grown and have taken time to look back at my past,
I'm very glad that I let my true personality last.

The children that used to make fun of me are no longer doing so at this time.
It has taken them years to see that being different isn't a crime.

Being a "freak" has more good things about it than bad.
Don't allow people to ruin your life or make you sad.

Happy in being myself I choose to forever be,
Nothing can hold you back if you protect yourself from the sickness of "normality".

2010-06-25T21:53:00.001-07:00

I hope to perform a type of hip-hop/bellydance routine at an upcoming event in my town. I've gotten some valuable ideas for my moves from the videos below. Thought I'd share them with you. ^_^

My bellydance teacher recommended this lady to me. She's a genius.

The first video I saw that got me into "Gothic Bellydance".

2010-05-20T20:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's the poem I've been meaning to post for a while. I finally found it! It's one of the shorter ones...

~~~

"Princess in the Tower"

Hoping for someone to hold,
All the while, growing old.

A princess sits and waits,
In her heart stirs much debate.

Peering out her window, feeling very alone,
Her hands are clasped together but are still cold as stone.

Her feet, back and forth, are pacing,
Her mind constantly racing.

"Oh, how much longer must I wait?",
With her whole being she questions fate.

In her tower, she dances around,
Her supposed "prince charming" is nowhere to be found.

With her fingertips, she writes in the dust,
All the world's treasures are becoming piles of rust.

Content she will forever pretend to be,
"Lucky" she considers those with no memory.

Hopeful, yet discouraged, determined yet dismayed,
Who is brave enough to find her, without their heart being decayed?

Copyright Casandra Camp 2010

2010-05-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

I wrote this poem today. The one I wrote while in Nashville is still missing, lol. I'm gonna search for it tonight. Anyway, until then, I hope you enjoy the story below...

~~~

"Wispy Memory"

Can a heart still break once it's stopped beating?
Will the world stand still for those whose time is fleeting?

Isn’t there something I can do?
Is it too late for me to find you?

The bells ring and the clocks tick.
While I’m waiting, the darkness becomes thick.

Walking out into the forest, I find myself unafraid.
The wind blows and the trees screech as I watch the animals form a parade.

They were not frightened when I walked right by.
I wondered if they had seen me… but maybe it was too dark by the night sky.

I lean down to pet a small, white rabbit;
But try as I may, I cannot grab it!

That’s when I started to become filled with fear.
The animals and the people don’t even know I’m here!

I was always curious as to why my friends no longer looked my direction;
And why whenever I looked in the mirror, I found no reflection.

I walked through the woods, being very much alone and confused.
I sat down next to a rock, picking flowers, feeling anything but amused.

It was only a short time until I discovered that I wasn’t alone after all.
The stone I had been sitting on was a tomb and the writing on it was very small.

I peered down at the words for a while, trying to understand.
When I saw the name of the person buried there, I dropped the rose that was in my hand.

The person buried underneath my feet had the same name as me.
How, oh how, can this possibly be?!

Something was out of place when I felt the same as any other time while standing in the snow.
It was odd how no matter what happened to me, no one’s concern seemed to show.

I never felt hot and I never felt cold.
Stories of things like this I had always been told.

I didn’t know what to do with myself, once I found out that I was a ghost.
This state of body is not something of which I would ever, ever boast.

My hands, though I had never noticed before, could be seen straight through.
Frustrated and devastated, I asked my being, “What has happened to you?”

I have no recollection of my last moment as someone that could be seen and heard.
I truly wish I could have someone udder to me one last word.

Accepting my current existence as a wispy memory;
I pick the rose back up and lay it on my tomb, saying goodbye to the old me.

Without hunger, without exhaustion, without anything but my freedom and I;
I travel deeper into the forest still, searching for someone to say a simple “Hi”.

I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t know what to do;
All I know is that I’m searching... and that one day, I’ll find you...

Copyright Casandra Camp 2010

2010-05-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

I've been in Nashville, Tennessee all day. I wrote another poem while there. I was in a boring meeting with state representatives, lol. What else am I supposed to do? After I got home, I found that my friend, Beth Yoakem, had posted this on my FaceBook wall...

Darling, isn't it?!
Here's where Beth got it from - TenshinoSekai.deviantart.com/art/Scissorhands-160454308

2010-05-06T14:56:00.000-07:00

Another poem (or short story, in this case) I wrote about my frequent dreams and nightmares. The dream I talk about in this story hasn't actually happened yet... but I'm sure it will. I think Freddy Krueger has a thing for me these days...

~~~

"Dreams of Nightmares"

Staring into the darkness as I try to sleep,
While wishing and wondering, my sanity I try to keep.

After hours of tossing and turning,
I close my eyes to stop their burning.

I start to hear voices whispering in my ear,
I ask "Who's there," but nothing do I hear.

My heart beats fast and I feel cold,
Try as I may, I cannot be bold.

I tell myself "You're dreaming,"
Only, as I say those things, I hear someone screaming.

Everything around me flashes and fades away,
All that's left now is me and my dismay.

Terror sweeps over me as I look all around,
I say "Hello," but no one is to be found.

I can still hear the voices and I still feel cold,
"This can't be happening," I whisper as the night gets old.

Blow after blow comes from invisible sources,
I try as hard as I can to I fight back at these forces.

Just when I feel I can take no more,
A hand reaches down and opens a door.

I limp to the exit, nearer to death than I've ever been before,
I hear lightening strike and I fall down to the floor.

My eyes are closed and my body frozen,
But something snatches me from the death that was thought to be chosen.

I fell down through a deep tunnel without much care,
I opened my eyes and inhaled, gasping for air.

Next thing I know, I'm back in my bed,
I sat up slowly and touched my head.

All along, I thought I was, somehow, in reality,
But every night, my nightmares end up getting the best of me.

I wrap myself up and try to stop shivering,
My teeth chatter and my hands refuse to cease their quivering.

The voices stop and my heart slows down,
But just as this happens, I see the sun and make a frown.

My whole night was spent in terror and in vain,
My body aches and I wish I could escape the pain.

My dreams used to be filled with laughter and of fun,
But now, I fear, my horrors have just begun.

I do not know why things happen the way they do,
I know I'm not alone and that you dream, too.

Hiding away, I lock the doors and pray,
Someday soon, peace will come to me and stay.

When I go to bed tonight, I'm sure I'll dream some more,
I only hope that it's of things that don't shake me to my core!

Copyright Casandra Camp 2010

2010-04-26T19:18:00.000-07:00

A few of my recent poems. I plan to enter these in the upcoming County Fair that my town hosts. I live in a small town with few writers, so hopefully my poems will get good reviews...

"Reflections of Fallen Kingdoms"

I used to be a queen, I used to have a crown,
but now you've run away and have left me feeling down.

I've spent many a night, fighting to erase the images of your face,
but never can I forget the feeling of your embrace.

You tell me all the things that every girl wants to hear,
but when I think of your broken promises, I always shed a tear.

I trusted you when you told me you wanted me to be your wife,
but now I'm alone and all that remains is strife.

Don't ask me why I still love you, I have plenty of reasons to hate,
but since God's telling me to, I plan to always wait.

You've lost something irreplaceable, therefore I know you'll suffer with much pain,
on your darkest night, I hope you see my ghost as it stands out in the rain.

I do not plan on seeking revenge,
however I do know that your time of joy will soon come to an end.

As you lie to her and repeat all the things you once said to me,
I hope she can find a way to escape the greatest agony.

Your future looks dull because of the things that have been done,
only sincerity and redemption can stop what you've begun.

You no longer love me, this I've come to accept,
but whenever you remember how much I cared for you, I hope you question your "logical" concept.

I feel like I've been hurt beyond repair,
but I just thank God that even though you're gone, HE'S still there.

Copyright Casandra Camp 2010

"Royalty in Reserve"

Fellow royalty, take heart and be wise,
sometimes your enemy will be in disguise.

Don't let the thief take your crown or your throne,
for he will lie to you until he can call what's rightfully yours "his own".

He may seem innocent and sweet at first,
but he will stop at nothing to make you feel your worst.

He will bow before you and kiss your feet,
but will laugh at you, hurt you and refuse retreat.

Charmed you may be by his magic and his voice,
but soon you will regret your unlikely choice.

Do not open your door when he comes and knocks,
be sure to instead tie your windows and check the locks.

This boy I speak of is no man,
he is a child of deceit and will lie to you if he can.

I know these things, have seen them and have come to warn,
because I've seen his destruction, I advise you, when he comes, to scorn.

Do not harm him in any way except his pride,
the best way to do this is to never, ever be snide.

Show this child everything he cannot be,
make him say, "Why on earth do they care for ME?"

Pray for him and show him his options,
but know in your heart that only God can stop him.

The Lord created this person with a plan and a purpose,
however, He will not let him continue to intentionally hurt us.

Be careful and know you're not alone in your fight,
the Lord sees everything and knows what you need to make it through each night.

Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve,
you are, after all, royalty in reserve.

Copyright Casandra Camp 2010

"Where It Began"

I cannot find my heart. Where, oh where has it gone?
I look but do not touch because I'm afraid to be alone.

What if the next person leaves me after telling me loads of lies?
Will I be smart enough to see the demon in his cleverest disguise?

The darkness creeps up on me and holds me in it's tightest grasp.
I sit in the shadows, waiting, how long will this nightmare last?

"Go away," I scream with all my might and power.
Forever, this seems... though it's only been an hour.

It's as if I've died and am watching someone else's life from above.
What happened and how will I find my one, real, true love?

I cried out with my whole heart and said, "I love and I need you."
But in all your pride and arrogance, you couldn't say "I love you, too."

I often wonder, now that I'm alone, "Why the heck did I even bother?"
My children, when they are born, will be glad that you're not their father.

I'm cold... but no longer reach for your hand.
You instead turn away and now I understand.

You're not good enough, you said it a million times, a million ways.
I'm looking for the one whose love won't leave, but instead always stays.

"Wake me from this dream," I pray each and every night.
Soon though, I know I'll get my wings and take flight.

Every bit of trust I once had is now history.
Why it had to be this way is nothing but a mystery.

I fell down, down, down; into the deepest pit.
My body aches all over. Oh what must I have hit?

I feel so confused and frustrated by all of this.
It's as if I'm not myself... is there something I could have missed?

The moon goes down and the sun comes up.
All that's left of my feast is now a single, empty cup.

My tears are black and streaked, too many I cry each day.
It won't be like this forever and I refuse to fade away.

Don't tell me you care if, in truth, you don't at all.
I've climbed up to the top and you will not make me fall.

Some may call it silly, but I know it's what I must do.
I'm hiding my feelings away, but maybe, one day, they'll reach out to you.

I have so much to say, yet I say nothing whatsoever.
I can keep you guessing from now until the end of forever.

My heart is still missing, but maybe someone will, one day, return it to me.
And when that someone comes, I pray that he'll be everything he needs to be.

I'm really trying to be smart and keep my wits about.
All in all, I have to say though, it's very hard not to doubt.

I put my hand on my heart and felt it beating inside.
In the face of death I whispered, "No. You, my friend, are the one I've defied."

My time is not yet over, try and catch me if you can.
For this is not the end, but only where it began...

Copyright Casandra Camp 2010

~*~ Beautiful Darkness ~*~

~~ Beautiful Darkness ~~